The cost of victory
by Mr. Corso
Summary: He loved her... she died...


**THE COST OF VICTORY**

_For Karen Confer_

11:59 pm. Order of the Phoenix.

A small square room was drowning in the night. The window was opened and a long stripe of moonlight lay across the floor. It felt odd watching the shadows pass, one after another, but _He _didn't really care.

Dead silence, disturbed only by the sound of the clock, seemed to please him, and _He _calmly gazed at a roll of parchment lying in front of him.

The man's name was John Christopher Abaline, while for close friends he was just Johnny. A young special agent, adored by his friends and respected at work… it seemed, there were no reasons for him not to be cheerful… And he thought so too…

The clock began to strike twelve and Johnny slowly stood up from his armchair. It was his birthday and...

'Hey, are you coming?' the door suddenly sprang open and Johnny saw his old friend, Severus Snape.

'Yeah, I'll be in a second' Abaline smiled as an old green badge appeared for a moment from under Severus's cloak. 'You still wear the emblem of Slytherin, I didn't know that.'

'You should treasure memories of our childhood too,' Snape grinned. 'Hurry, Okay?'

'I'll be fast.'

'And, by the way…'

'What?'

'Nothing…'

'I hate it when you say that!'

Severus smirked again and disappeared behind the door.

Johnny's hand jumped to his straight shoulder-length dark hair, as he remembered Hogwarts. Severus was always unpopular, while he, Johnny, could compete with Sirius Black, and still… they came out to be almost best friends with that potion genius…

What's that? He blinked. He thought he'd just seen a falling star… but he forgot to make his wish anyway, so who cares?

So, in several seconds Johnny hurriedly moved towards the door, leaving his strange thoughts locked in his cabinet. The corridor that led to the Common Drawing-room was absolutely empty, but Johnny liked that – the lonely atmosphere awakened some kind of suspense inside him, making bubble with excitement.

Almost every birthday the secret agent of the Order of the Phoenix was celebrating at work, not because he disliked the idea of throwing a party at home, but just because it somehow seemed to be more fun running around with bottles of beer and cakes, dancing and rocking the music, when someone in the next cabinet sat dully, muttering between his teeth something like: "It's out of order".

Though perhaps another reason for that was the fact of all the members of the Dumbledore's organization having too much work at that time of the year…

Finally, Johnny stopped before some bright wooden door, and as soon as he'd entered the party began. He avoided the point of remembering everything that was happening and at some point – what's the use? – what he wanted was to dance, drink, laugh and just have good time really…

-Hey, Congrats! – Remus Lupin elbowed his way to Johnny through the dancing crowd. – Not the first time throwing a party at work, ha?

-Definitely the first time you're attending my party, ha? – Johnny smiled friendly. - Where's Sirius?

-Black, you mean?

-Yeah…

-He decided to check on Peter, - Lupin shook his head, – he thinks, he's not showing up for too long.

-Oh, all right, - Johnny paused for a moment. – And Potters? How's Lily?

-She's fine… she asked me to apologize before you for her and James – they couldn't come… with little Harry and all, you know…

-Yeah…

-Hey, "Moony", - Severus silently appeared behind Lupin's back.

-Hi, Snivelly, - Remus presented Severus with a cold look and moved towards some pretty girl, dancing in the corner.

-You're still fancying her, ha? – muttered Snape darkly.

-Whom?

-Evans, that little mudblood…

Johnny looked at his friend fiercely, his eyes flashing with anger.

-Look, one – she's Mrs. Potter now, two – DON'T YOU DARE CALLING HER MUDBLOOD! – he became silent, as those who'd been standing near by turned to them, and continued in a very low voice. – And I do not fancy Lily!

-I was watching you, John, come on! You turned red as soon, as that idiot told you about her not being able to come. And… Just admit that, you've never stopped loving her, have you?

Johnny felt like hitting Snape really hard somewhere in the stomach, but fought that desire down. Instead, he opened another bottle of beer. Severus'd definitely counted that as "yes".

-I'm disappointed in you, - he rolled his eyes.

-What do you care anyway? I'm keeping it to myself, am I not?

Snape sat down next to him, watching Nymphadora Tonks with her boy friend.

-Then I don't get why you've never asked her even out at school, - he said finally.

-Who cares now, - Johnny nodded, trying to laugh. – She's happy with James and little Harry – I'm happy here with you.

-You're scarring me, - Snape grinned darkly, as usual though.

-Hehe, I'm glad I am.

The party was going on and on. Someone, totally drunk, even wanted to shoot stars, but was stopped. Fun. Laugh. Happiness. Of course, it just had to end sooner or later.

-Have you ever felt like dying, Severus?

Snape stared at Johnny in surprise.

-What?

-Have you ever felt like dying?

-???

-Have you ever felt like dying?

-Dunno… - finally answered Snape. - Have you?

-Dunno… You know, I've been sitting tonight in my cabinet and I felt like…

-Like what?

-I'll die, mate. I feel that, something is ought to happen. And I'll die.

-Are you kidding me? – Snape laughed nervously.

-No…

He closed his mouth as Moody Mad-Eye'd entered the Common Room. For several moments everyone was silent. Even the music somehow stopped playing. The Auror slowly opened the window and waited.

Johnny couldn't believe his eyes – it was a real rain… only of stars. What was going on?

-Ladies and gentleman! The time has come.

-Time for what? – Tonks looked at Moody in surprise.

-Lord Voldemort is gone.

Whispers filled the room, but just a second later that whisper became the shouts of happiness.

-To victory! – shouted someone.

-To the boy who lived, - said Moody dully, - to Harry Potter. The boy who lived.

Johnny faltered. He turned to Mad-Eye and grabbed his hand.

-What do you mean: "Harry Potter is the boy who lived"? What does it have to do with Potters?

-He's the only one, who survived, - sadly explained the Auror.

-What are you saying… but… and… oh… - Johnny felt weak. – Lily?

-She's in Heaven, son. - Moody turned away in pity. – They both are.

Lupin blinked.

Snape was eyeing Abaline attentively, until his patience was over.

-You heard him? The Dark Lord is gone.

But Johnny didn't hear him. Lily was dead… and so – he was too. Life wasn't life without her smiling face, it was only an existing and he didn't want to just exist, like a boy on a picture…

So, what he was gonna do was… die. Just die.


End file.
